One Widow’s Guide to Living Well.
Occasional Musings on Winning the Patriarchal Colonial Game of Capitalism as a Single Mama in Camas
Pink dawn viburnum brightened this recent morning’s front-porch view. I need the cheer. The coup is on, winter weather still has time to hit the Pacific Northwest and, among other important breakables, Rump is talking about the power grid. Personally, I get nervous about the integrity of anything that man touches, or talks about touching. Time to prep!
I was widowed just past 40, with two toddlers. It was the start of a long, often dark valley in my life. In some of the lowest times in these past 13 years, I had virtually no community to lean on. The upside? It made me scrappy!
As Mr. Rump paints a portrait of American greatness with inferences to mucking with the power grid (and so much more; I took a news break for sanity today, but I’m sure there’re, like, 11 more things to freak out about just since yesterday); and Elon Musk now has my personal info (and many of yours!) and benefits to play with; the vibe is feeling early 2020s to me. I’m in prepper mode.
Here’s a quick list of some top tips for tough times that keep circling in my mind.
1.) Lean into your passions.
I’m a photographer - an ADHD photographer. When I edit photographs, I need something else to bounce back and forth to from editing. I’m also a writer. Tonite, I’m happily editing a photo shoot and writing this blog. These are my passions. What are yours? Lean into them. They will cheer you, give you purpose, and maybe even deepen your connection to community (one can hope?).
As for my kids, early in the pandemic we decided to focus their then-homeschool on foreign languages. One developed a love for Russian; the other, German. Their studies have them both well on their way to conversational ability. They’re 18 and 15, respectively. Not too shabby!
2.) Keep ahead in your stock of everything needed to run your house smoothly.
Every - ahem, “competent” - male who’s ever run my previous households has routinely run out of toilet paper. How needlessly stressful. You needn’t fill your garage with it, but buying two of the jumbo packages of your favorite brand once a month is smart. Staying ahead of all your family’s food and toiletry needs is smart, too. Do that, and adjust your lifestyle so that you can afford to do it.
It took some time for us, especially as chronic illness changed the menu monthly, but right now we’re doing okay, with some occasional help from the Camas Family-Community Resource Center. The Camas FCRC is one of the very few places I’ve found that fills the gap between earns-too-much-for-most-aid and can’t-afford-food-and-noncovered-medical-bills. Brenda is a dear; make an appointment with her, or check out all the FCRC offers, at the link above.
3.) Laugh.
What started with dark widowhood jokes in my mind just kept developing, and my internal banter has become quite comforting. My son swears by Steven He YouTube videos. Find what works for you.
This made me laugh today: The Daily Show.
4.) Try and secure multiple sources of heating and cooling.
For winter, our house has heating oil, a heat pump, and a fireplace. That way, we have reliable electric heat when it’s in the 40s and above, heating oil for the 30s down to 16 degrees (found out last year: Heating oil freezes at 16!), and firewood for the occasional Snowpocalypse. Scour the “free” sites for folks getting rid of their seasoned firewood in the summer. It happens; people get sensitive to fireplace smoke. That’s how we snagged ours this year! Craigslist is an excellent non-oligarch option. And for oil furnace servicing, I’ve found Advantage Heating and Cooling. Jeff’s great!
5.) Do your banking small and local.
Columbia Credit Union on 192nd has been super friendly and helpful to me.
6.) House maintenance puzzles? Get more than you bargain for at Lutz Hardware.
I’ve always wanted to be a Ms. Fixit. I am not a natural Ms. Fixit, but I have been leaning on the great folks at Lutz for 13 years now. They won’t just get you what you need to maintain your home; if they can, they’ll help you figure out how to do it. Love these guys.
7.) If you have a federal issue with the current US administration and it’s affecting your household, call Representative Marie Gluesenkamp Perez.
She’s by far the most responsive politician I’ve ever contacted, for anything. Her office remedied an Office of Personnel Management mistake - one OPM folks themselves told me would take a “long, long time, if ever” to fix - in less than two weeks flat. It’s on my list to reach out about her Gaza stance and chat with staffers about it … when they’re not completely overwhelmed with phone calls. Arrest Musk, impeach Trump! Keep calling, peeps.
8.) Captain your ship with confidence. You are enough.
I am now enjoying the results of many very difficult years of parenting. I stopped looking for the man (and extended family) my kids did not need, and focused on being the best mama I could be for them - and the best woman I could be, for myself. That’s what they (and I) needed. We’ve battled major injury, chronic illness, next-to-no community, and more. We are solid.
Portrait of a happy, complete family at this year’s Oregon Zoo ZooLights.
#Widow #Help #House #OPM #Food #MGP #MarieGluesenkampPerez #FCRC #Camas #CCU #Advantage #LutzHardware