Feeling Better.
Changing how I see myself for the better feels sooooo good.
I’m feeling better, as evidenced by this fourth blog post in one night. It’s been a bit of a dark night in my soul for a li’l bit.
Here’s what helped me this time around:
I learned makeup. I have always been intimidated by makeup. Over a year ago, I asked Elspeth to teach me. It didn’t stick, and didn’t stick … and then, it did. If you don’t have an Elspeth, try your local Ulta. I’m not generally a fan of chains, but Ulta is a happy, inclusive place, and openly supportive of trans folx, which earns my support (though I do scan brands through my NoThanks app before I buy).
Joy for joy’s sake, completely unattached to another’s opinion of me, feels really good. I lost it there for a minute.
I named the behavior that hurt. There is power in names (as is evidenced by mainstream media’s insistence on not naming the kathousands of Palestinians we’ve lost in the past year. This planet does not deserve them. But, I digress). One night, after no few nights watching me trying to untangle my heart, Elspeth says, “Oh! You were love bombed.” And “poof,” the spell was broken.
Free People blouse from Goodwill. Ulta makeup, taught by Elspeth. Portrait session by me, gifted to me.
I discovered a fun new way to live large within my means. Aha, there are benefits to living amongst Late-Stage Capitalists with an overabundance of stuff! After way too many years wearing mostly my late mother’s and late husband’s clothes, I discovered treasure hunting at Goodwill (we like the one on 164th). Hel-lo. $400 Bagatelle jacket for $20? Yes, please. $300 Billy Reid Italian sweater for 10.99? Mm-hmm. Suddenly, a much needed style discovery is within reach.
Lastly, I asked myself this question, once again on Elspeth’s suggestion: “Would you treat anyone that way?” It was true with the mean girls on my kindergarten playground, and it’s true now: Nope. Nope, I wouldn’t.
#selfcare #makeup #narcissism #lovebombing #thrifting